How to write emails to teachers that really work

What’s wrong with this email?

The email advertisement below introduces the writer and says what his company does.   So what’s wrong?

Here’s an unsolicited email I recently received…


My Name is John Greenfield, and I design great looking websites for small business owners with my cost effective services.

I’m contacting you to see if there are changes or enhancements that you’d like to make to your site.

Have you been thinking about upgrading your site to a more cutting edge look and feel or adding a few elements to the site that will help automate some of your business?

If so, I’d really love to speak with you.

If you are interested then I will send you our past work details, client testimonials and web quotations.

I am waiting for your positive response,


The first problem is that there is nothing here that grabs attention – the email just starts.  But in fact one needs to give the reader a reason for reading.  In the case of my email that you are now reading, I am using the subject line and headline to get your attention.


Second, the piece is about the writer, and what he does.  There is nothing here about the benefit of upgrading a site.  Now the writer might well say, the benefit is obvious.  However, research shows that people read and reject emails so fast that if you don’t introduce benefits – or at least something close to that – quickly, then the reader simply stops.


Third, if the advert does make the reader think, “yes our website needs upgrading” there is nothing to say why the reader should contact this writer, and not someone else.


Of course, if there is a reader who seriously has, at that moment, been thinking about upgrading a website, and has no agency in mind to do the job, yes it could work.


However, one could get more interest by highlighting the benefit with a headline such as


What is the most effective and low-cost way of increasing the number of people who buy from your website?


The point is that even if the reader thinks she/he has the best website in the universe, the reader might still be tempted to read the advert, just to see what the writer has to say.


In short, the headline in the email is vital, since it draws the reader in by stimulating his/her interest.


If you would like to talk about how you can develop your promotional emails and/or your landing page on your website, please do call 01604 880 927 or email


We will take a look and come back to you with our thoughts.  And better still, we’ll do it for free and with absolutely no requirement for you to buy anything from us.


I do hope you’ll get in touch.


Tony Attwood

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